The chart shows the proportion of the workforce employed in the USA employment between 1930 and 2010.

Overall, the farming, fishing, and foresting industry had the most employment in 1930, but it increased steadily to 2010. Other areas of employment, mainly in industry, sales, and office, and technology, increased steadily.

In 1930, industries like technical, sales and office, and industrial all started near zero percent, and then they rose to 32, 20, and 38% respectively by 2010. Other services remained unchanged over the period. The biggest drop in employment was by farming, fishing, and forestry that went from 70% to 2% in the 70-year time span. Finally, the industrial industry began at near zero in 1930 and then fluctuated for nearly 30 years to reach about 5% employment. From the 1960s industry began to rise upon a steep curve until 1990 where it leveled off at about 38% of the American workforce. (150 Words)

Task Achievement: The candidate used the same term twice ‘increased steadily’ and was inaccurate with the farming, fishing, and forestry description. Though all parts of the task were completed, the inaccuracies in the Summary and, therefore, a general lack of ‘a clear overview’ leads this response to a Band 6. Also, no comparison was used.

Coherence and Cohesion: Coherence was lost in the Summary with ‘employed in the USA employment, though cohesion was well done throughout. Coherence was lost and the lack of commas related to cohesion forces this to Band 6 as well.

Lexical Resource: There were no words out of place as being ‘Subject Related’, such as industry, workforce. Descriptive words were used generally well. Although the candidate attempted different word forms (e.g. employed and employment), there were used in an awkward manner. Also, the spelling errors along with word choice errors (timespan, industrial industry) kept this candidate’s score at Band 6.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: The candidate has 3 spelling errors ‘forestry’, ‘fluctuated’, and ‘technical’. Misuse of the word ‘biggest’, ‘lowest’ could have been used. The candidate needed a comma after the adverbs signal words ‘finally’ and ‘Overall’. Though the sentence structure was coherent and correct, there are too many errors to give a Band 7

Example 2

The chart represents the percentage of the American labor force between the years of 1930 and 2010 that was employed in different industries.

Overall, employment in the farming, fishing and foresting industry decreased over the eight decades represented, while employment in industrial and technology increased gradually. Employment and sales and office also increased before reaching plateauing in the final decade.

At the beginning of the period shown, farming, fishing and foresting accounted for 70% of the US labour force. Nevertheless, by 2010 this industry had decreased so dramatically that it had the lowest rates of employment at under 5%. In contrast, those engaged in the industrial profession in 1930 increased from next to nothing to account for the largest portion of the labor market in 2010 at just under 40%. Employment in the technical and sales industries mirrored each other with both increasing steadily. However, in 2000, they began to depart and technical employment ended a third higher than that in sales, and employment in other services remained relatively stable. (169 words)

Task Achievement: Well done in terms of organization ‘requirements covered’, but not ‘sufficiently’ due to the Main trend description ‘Employment and sales and office’. Comparison made (In contrast). Band 7 awarded.

Coherence and Cohesion: Awkward use of ‘Employment and sales and office’ – ‘of’ instead of ‘and’ should have been used. Two different spellings of ‘labour’ and ‘labor’ (Canadian and American). Generally, a coherent and cohesive response. Band 7 awarded.

Lexical Resource: A spelling error, a plural ‘s’ on profession was noted. Slight awkwardness noted with the word ‘depart’; diverge would have been a better choice. Band 7 awarded as precise meanings in almost every sentence but for the missed preposition.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: The candidate did have a required compound sentence (1) and 2 spelling mistakes (one is correct – but must be consistent). ‘Good control of grammar and punctuation otherwise. Band 7 awarded as 1 too many errors to award Band 8 in this case.

Example 3

The given line graph depicts the percentage of the American workforce employed in different industries between 1930 and 2010.

Overall, employment in farming, fishing and foresting industry decreased over the period, while employment in industrial, sales and office, and technical increased steadily.

In 1930, 70% of the US workforce was made up of farming, fishing and foresting labourers, but by 2010 this industry had decreased so dramatically that it had the lowest rate of employment at under 5%. In contrast, workers in the industrial professions in 1930 increased from just above zero to the largest portion of the labor market at just under 40% in 2010. Employment in the technical and sales industries ran parallel with each other with both increasing steadily. However, in 2000, they began to diverge, and technical employment ended 12% higher than sales at 32%. Labour in other services; though it fluctuated over the period, remained relatively stable at 10%. (155 words)

Band score of 8.5

Task Achievement: A very good response in all 3 paragraphs – ‘sufficiently done’. Band 8 awarded – the response is not fully developed as ‘other services’ was not mentioned in the Main Trends but does ‘satisfy all requirements’

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 9 awarded here because the response is ‘skillfully managed’

Lexical Resource: precise meanings are found throughout the response, but the language is not ‘sophisticated’ to allow a Band 9 score.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Well written response with compound and complex sentences and no spelling or punctuation errors – Band 9 awarded